Property phrasebook

• "Deceptively spacious": pokey and insubstantial


• "A wealth of period features": pokey and shabby; may have glued-on exposed beams, purchased from B&Q


• "Needs some updating": the whole place is a wreck and may even smell


• "Internal viewing highly recommended": it's not quite the dump it appears from the outside


• "Sought-after location": by the police


• "Cozy": vanishingly small


• "Manageable garden": a minute patch of grass with a couple of hanging baskets